20 hilarious (and rather harsh) TripAdvisor comments

Posted by Nandi Majola on 20 February 2018

South Africa has more than a handful of remarkable tourist attractions. Some of our iconic destinations have received excellent reviews on TripAdvisor, but they also sometimes miss the mark.

We searched for the less than favourable comments of SA’s most popular destinations to see what locals and internationals think.

 

Someone’s legitimate feelings about Cape Town after a cup of coffee:

1. ‘The cafe on top serves the worst coffee (absolutely no caffeine) I ever tasted. They are clearly all about wine here.’

(Tampa)

 

Shame on you Table Mountain!

2. ‘Nevermind a tablecloth, Table Mountain was taking duvet days all the time we were in CT. Sad ;-(‘

(Bury St Edmunds)

 

Fair enough.

3. ‘[Doesn’t] look like [Lion’s Head] i don’t know why do they call it so??’

(Dubai, United Arab Emirates)

 

Just watch Happy Feet for lively penguins instead of visiting Boulders.

4. ‘If you weren’t looking carefully, you might think you were at a taxonomy exhibit at a natural history museum.’

(from New York City, New York)

 

On Kirstenbosch Gardens:

5. ‘I guess if you are into plants it would be amazing. Just not [our] idea of fun.’

(Leeds, United Kingdom)

Foot of Table Mountain at Kirctenbosch Gardens

 

Apparently, Cango Caves is not one size fits all.

6. ‘They should present at the entrance a model of this rock formation so that customers can try it out first.’

(Munich, Germany)

 

Or don’t try the Cango Caves at all unless…

7. ‘…If you want to be able to say “I was in a cave” and take a picture of a stalagmite, then this is perfect.’

(Honolulu, Hawaii)

 

We have no idea why it’s even called the Panorama Route.

8. ‘We drove to God’s Window, but when we got there it was covered by fog. [We] didn’t get anything, which was such a shame.’

(Woodford, United Kingdom)

 

On the Reed Dance at Valley of 1000 Hills

9. ‘I was sitting there wishing I could get a costume and do their job. I was hoping to see energy, spirit, I saw none. Just women who looked as though they hated being there. We were introduced to the first wife, and I swear I thought she was gonna kill us.’

(Cape Town, South Africa)

 

Maybe the sharks can do tricks next time?

10. ‘The sharks look impressive but to be honest they look depressed, so slow and swimming in monotonous circles, what a shame, need more enrichment.’

(Redditch, United Kingdom)

 

Entertainment just isn’t what it used to be.

11. ‘The Dolphin Show’s music was Akon music, from what you hear in night clubs. You should surely change that? It is terrible sound waves to the mammals and humans alike.’

(Nairobi, Kenya)

 

Hey, what else can you do at Clifton Beach?

12. ‘All about posing and tanning and looking cool, even if you are as hot as a lime burner’s boot on a barbie fork because the sea is too cold to swim.’

(Rustenberg, South Africa)

 

About a gallery somewhere:

13. ‘The art is strange, childish, elementary, weird, strange and does not inspire, tickle the interest or admiration or have one marvel at the style, technique or talent.’

(Cape Town, South Africa)

 

Someone who was unhappy with the narration:

14. ‘Great if you like to listen to an hour of the guide baby talking to the chimps.’

(Hugo, Oklahoma)

 

Knysna Heads should try harder to look more interesting.

15. ‘I’m sorry but I just don’t get why people find this amazing. It’s a rock formation by the sea…’

(Belo Horizonte, MG)

What everyone thinks when they first see the Big Tree in Knysna.

16. ‘What a tree, huge.’

(Storms River, South Africa)

 

On the Twelve Apostles:

17. ‘This is no more than a feature of the landscape.’

(Ripley, United Kingdom)

 

They obviously need to rethink their brand strategy:

18. ‘The South Africans are good at one thing. Give them any natural rock formation, they will brand it. And voila…it adorns all the tourist sites, maps, offices as a natural must-see wonder. Well Twelve Apostles is one such site. Nothing spectacular.’

(Mumbai, India)

 

A scathing remark on Capetonian hipsters:

19. ‘…if your choice form of transport is a penny-farthing bicycle and your idea of fashion involves high-cut shorts, [veldskoene], a blazer, a trilby and a carefully maintained scruffy beard and you need a place to have a cup of single-origin-micro-roasted-fair-trade-organic coffee that tastes like dishwater, while you listen to bootleg recordings of the latest obscure band you’re pretending to like on a battery operated reel-to-reel tape recorder while uploading photos that you took on your polaroid…then this is just the place for you.’

(Cape Town Central, South Africa)

 

Possibly his friend…

20. ‘If you like fake people saying things like “divine”, “awesome”, “amazeballs”, “bru” and “dude” whilst drinking your organic locally sourced ethnically diverse bio coffee and thinking they are african then this is your place.’

(Tel Aviv, Israel)