This guide from cheeky expat, Zane Henry tells you how to have more fun by making your holiday budget go further.
Prices and conversions were correct at the time of going to print.
London is one of the best cities in the world to visit, but comes with the caveat that you probably won’t be able to afford to do much once you arrive. The pound’s supremacy has been slightly unsettled by Brexit but it’s still one of the most ruthlessly expensive cities in the world – and not just for tourists. In order to survive the debilitating, constant prospect of poverty, locals have had to devise strange and wondrous ways of enjoying what the city has to offer without dipping into their rent money. Take heart and advice from London residents themselves: make friends with us. Get us to spill our secrets. Buy us a drink. Buy us two. It’ll be worth it.
Outdoors
People may think of London as a concrete and glass cage, but almost half of the city is green space and has over eight million trees. If you get your timing right and score one of the three days of the year when it’s not raining, being outside in London is magical.
1. Ride the River Thames
Use your London Oyster travelcard to hop aboard one of the Thames Clipper riverboat taxis and enjoy views of the city from the water. It has regular deals – from free tickets for moms on Mother’s Day to discounted journeys to venues hosting big events. With stops all along the river east to west, from Woolwich to Putney, it’s a viable alternative to buses and the Tube. From £3,90 (R66) per single journey. thamesclippers.com
2. Break away from the city
Richmond Park is 35 minutes away by train from central London. This sprawling national nature reserve is home to a skittish deer population and architectural marvels such as Pembroke Lodge, royalparks.org.uk. If you’re heading here over the festive period the nearby, otherwise expensive, Kew Royal Botanic Gardens (from £14 per adult) has been known to release around 10 000 free tickets for the 12 days of Christmas.
3. Watch the sun go down
The Southbank Centre’s Queen Elizabeth Hall Roof Garden offers the best sunsets in the city. There’ a bar, but you’ll want to avoid paying £5 (R84) for a Heineken. Stash a bottle of cheap Prosecco in a handbag, arrive before 5pm to beat the crowds of recently freed office workers, and get pleasantly drunk in the sunshine while taking in spectacular views of the Thames, Big Ben and the London Eye.
Local wisdom: Again, most of this is best attempted during spring or summer. London winter is so, so miserable.
Culture
It sometimes feels like there are almost more museums and galleries than pubs in this city. And most of them are free. The museums and galleries, not the pubs. Sigh.
4. Sip London’s iconic tea
The only thing more British than passive-aggressive queuing is tea, and nowhere is this more fervently embodied than at Twinings’ tea shop and museum, 216 Strand, one of London’s oldest remaining original teahouses. The back of the shop is given over to a gleaming museum and tasting area where you can try a number of tea combinations, free of charge. Jammie Dodgers not included.
5. Try to locate this ‘mystery’ gallery
You’ll want to hit the (free!) National Gallery and National Portrait Gallery, but London is studded with glittering hidden gems. To find the independent Greengrassi Gallery, you’ll need to walk down a quiet residential street in Kennington (Tube: Lambeth North) until you come to a black facade with no signage. It’s only one room and features only one artist at a time, allowing for a more distilled impression. Entrance is free – you just need to know it’s there. greengrassi.com
6. Own a book from this buoyant shop
Word on the Water is a floating bookshop in a 1920s Dutch barge in Camden – its narrow aisles are dense with locals and tourists in the know. It’s one of the cheapest bookstores in the city, prices start at around £3 (R50), offering new and used titles, a wood-burning stove, poetry slams, live music and cuddles from the owner’s sleepy dog, Star. Find it on Facebook.
7. Don’t miss these museum quirks
The Natural History Museum’s charms are well known, but most people don’t make it to the Treasures Cadogan Gallery. In this small room off to the side of the museum’s main drag, you’ll find Leopold Blaschka’s intricate glass models of sea creatures, Charles Darwin’s notebook and a moon rock. It’s also a calm respite from the screaming kids in the main area.
Local wisdom: Don’t save your museum trip for a rainy day as everyone else will be doing the same. Pick a day when it’s not tipping down, go during the week and enjoy relative space to breathe.
Food and Drink
The problem with managing to score a table at one of London’s constellation of Michelin-starred restaurants is that you’ll be spending three-months’ salary on an entrée. But if you’re savvy enough, you don’t have to resign yourself to living on those peanuts from the plane.
8. Schmooze for free bites
Sprawling in the shadow of The Shard and London Bridge, Borough Market is one of the most famous food markets in the world and a nexus of international cuisines. The trick to doing it on the cheap is to manufacture an expression of interest and touristy gormlessness as you chat to vendors about their food. Be sufficiently convincing, and you’ll be able to hoover up free samples all day.
9. Splurge a little on lunch
If your tastes are slightly more rareified, it’s possible to sample the dishes of a celebrity chef. The window displays of Israeli superstar Yotam Ottolenghi’s eponymous delis (there are four, including one in Notting Hill, above) are piled high with gigantic savoury muffins and cloud-like meringues. Pastries from £2,85 (R48), breakfast dishes from around £7 (R118), selection of three salads £12,90 (R218). Make sure you’re at Ottolenghi not Nopi, his even more enticing but higher-end brand.
10. Kebabs you can’t miss
London’s best kebabs can be found at an unassuming Turkish joint called E. Mono in Kentish Town Road. It’s hard to find a seat, though, after food writer Giles Coren wrote a rhapsodic review of the ‘best kebab I had in years. Beautifully sweet and fatty, full of fresh lamby flavours. Imagine the beauty if others emulated E. Mono.’ Prices start around £5 (R84). Tel +442074859779.
11. Be a well-fed vegetarian
Eating vegan or vegetarian isn’t the cheapest in London. Thankfully, there’s a place near Oxford Circus called Tibits that’s plenty affordable. You only pay for how much your plate weighs and not what you order. So go ahead and carbo- load with mounds of Asian glass noodles and Parmesan-stuffed baked potatoes.
12. Get a discount on your meal
Head to chains such as Itsu, Pret-A-Manger and EAT. just before closing time when anything not sold during the day will be on offer for giveaway discounts.
Local wisdom: If the Springboks are playing you’ll want to head to The Slug@Wimbledon, a bastion of South Africanness where you’ll be rewarded for your accent by some drunk homesick guy from Newlands buying you a Castle.
Entertainment
One of the prime joys of being in a town like London is the feeling that you’re at the centre of the world. The challenge is resisting the urge to blow your life savings on show tickets.
13. Enjoy the local music scene
While it’s tempting to lay down £60 (R1 000) to see John Legend at the O2 Arena, there are cheaper tickets in town. Defiantly independent record label Rough Trade hosts regular free gigs at its Brick Lane store. Southbank Centre has free lunchtime gigs on Saturdays. Effra Hall Tavern’s legendary Sunday jazz nights are also free.
14. Go to a cinema with an 80s feel
To catch a film, avoid the bigger cinemas and head to the Peckhamplex in hipster commune Peckham. All movies (including latest releases) are £5 (R84), you’re supporting an independent cinema and they don’t care if you sneak in your own snacks.
Tip: It’s worth parking outside the Odeon in Leicester Square for a big premiere to blush at Ryan Gosling or Emma Watson on the red carpet.
15. Have an original theatre experience
Watching The Bard’s plays being performed at Shakespeare’s Globe, the very stage for which he originally wrote his plays, dissolves bad memories of English exams. It’s open-air, so no matter how sunny it seems at the time, remember to take an umbrella with you, because London weather… Standing tickets are only £5 (R84).
16. See yourself on TV (maybe!)
Join the live audience of your favourite BBC show for free. Apply online and join a queue of hopefuls to see, say, Radiohead perform on Later… with Jools Holland or watch Graham Norton interview Tom Hanks.
17. Hear some jokes
Angel Comedy runs a free stand-up night every day of the week at the Camden Head. Recent South African transplant Loyiso Gola is a regular, and big names such as Dara Ó Briain, Russell Howard and Simon Munnery have been known to drop in to try out new material.
18. Get intellectual
Each week the London School of Economics & Political Science hosts notable speakers for talks on a number of interesting subjects, and attendance is usually free. Previous big names have included David Cameron and Angelina Jolie.
Local wisdom: Avoid extortionate drink prices by ‘pre-gaming’. Wherever you go, you’ll have to queue for years at the bar for the privilege of being ripped off. So pick up some bottles from the supermarket and have pre-drinks at home before hitting the town.
Apps to save more pretty pennies
Drinki
Gets you one free drink from one pre-selected bar per day. Some bartenders will give you the stink eye, but you’ll find it hard to care in the afterglow of a free mojito. drinki.com
Frugl
Regularly refreshed listings of local deals on gigs, parties, food and drinks for under £10 (R170). frugl.com
Too Good To Go
Massive savings on restaurant-quality food that would otherwise be thrown away. toogoodtogo.co.uk
Citymapper
Allows you to work out the parameters of your journey according to what you can afford. citymapper.com
This story first appeared in the June 2017 issue of Getaway magazine.
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